Slowly domesticating wolves into good old Fido had been one of the best things that mankind has ever done, right up until we refused to stop fucking with the canine formula. Instead, we started breeding pooches to more and more precise specifications (“the ears must be 1-inch smaller,” “the face must be 20 percent droopier”), and only then did we finally stop and say: “There! We’re done! This is how all dogs should look like from now on!”
That’s, more or less, the origin of purebred dogs, a noble idea that has gone horribly wrong in recent years, at least according to Gabriella Kuhn, who breeds Cavalier King Charles Spaniels and who told us that …
#5. The Actual Breeding Can Be A Weird, Horrifying Experience
At the most basic level, breeding is just pairing a bitch with a sire — you would think you’d just have to let nature take its course after that. But, there’s a lot more that goes into the process with purebred dogs, such as making sure the girl does not rip the guy’s dick off. “One large kennel I know about had a person whose job was all about the dogs breeding,” Ms. Kuhn told us. “He would watch the dogs have sex, [making] sure the dogs don’t get out of a tie.” A tie, by the horrifying way, is when, after sex, the male dog’s swollen member gets stuck in the lady dog. You read that right.
“Many times, [the female] will want to bolt away. If she tries, the male dog can have a severely injured penis,” says Gabriella. We’ll pause here so you can imagine it. “So, we keep her calmed down and wait the 10 to 15 minutes until he can pull out. One pair we watched had the female suddenly sprint with the hapless male behind her. We were honestly afraid [his penis] might be ripped out and, since then, we have taken to putting both on leashes so that never happens again.”
It can get equally awkward with animals that refuse to have sex, though. “There was a spaniel about 10 years ago that was one of the best around and that made it to some prestigious national competitions,” M. Kuhn explains. “He also had a rare color pattern, so the breeder got a lot of calls for breeding matches. But then, they found out something the first mating out — he was gay.” No matter what they did to entice him [the details of which are probably best left to the imagination], he would only stick by a few of the other males in the kennel and, despite his excellent background and genes (and the owner not being a supporter of artificial insemination), never bred. “I should clarify: never bred with a female.”
#4. Inbreeding Is Surprisingly Common Among Purebred Dogs
Responsible breeders look at the lineage of each dog and, especially in the cases of rarer breeds, will make sure that there isn’t a close relation between the bitch and sire. But, some unscrupulous breeders want a certain color or look, and the only way to get it is some good old-fashioned doggy incest. According to Gabriella: “Some colors are so rare that breeding with one dog may only have one or two pups out of the litter having that color. By breeding with a relative with the same genes, the odds of that rare color are increased.” Consult this Game Of Thrones scene for further reference.
Now, it’s worth mentioning that the American Kennel Club (AKC) is firmly against inbreeding of the mother-son or father-daughter variety, but they are fine with, say, grandparents and grandchildren boning, which they call line breeding and which we call “making a disturbing problem even more disturbing.” Sometimes, though, the incest happens by accident. As Gabriella told us: “Brother and sister dogs sometimes go at it. Ninety-nine percent of the time they are caught in time. But, every once in a while, it’s too late, and they get a litter. You can take every possible precaution, but if both are outside at the same time and you need to go in to deal with an emergency, it can happen,” and when it does happen, the breeders’ powers of damage control rival that of Olivia Pope.
Ms. Kuhn explains: “One breeder who came to me had a pretty large looking and obviously pregnant female come in for an impromptu ‘session’ with one of my males. I didn’t question it because we were friends, but it was just done so she could put on papers that the father was the male I had, not the brother of her female who got her pregnant … because many buyers don’t want an inbred dog.”
#3. There Are Some Cruel And Unusual Rules For Show-Quality Dogs
There are a ton of rules for how a purebred should look to enter a dog show, and, unfortunately, some of those rules boil down to, “Mother Nature screwed up, and it’s up to us to fix her mistakes.” For example, in nature, Boxers and English Cocker Spaniels have long tails, but their American standards specify that they should have short tails. This is achieved by “tail docking,” which is just a nice way of saying that some dog owners cut off parts of their puppies’ tails.
It’s not just a one-off swing of the knife, either. When a puppy is born, its nervous system isn’t operating at full strength yet, so you can just purchase tight rubber bands that you wrap around a certain point on the tail, which cuts off blood flow to it, causing the excess tissue to eventually fall off.
And then there’s ear cropping, in which ears are cropped (duh) so that they stand at a certain length and so that the dog can stand any chance at placing in a dog show. Ms. Kuhn explains, “One of my show friends decided to try her hand at Dobermans, but didn’t crop her dog’s ears. She didn’t even place and was even told by the judge she better do it or else the dog will get ear infections.”
But, that’s the thing — cropping, docking, and other things done to dogs are usually carried out in the name of health. However, for example, tail docking doesn’t improve the dog’s health at all. So, why do breeders and showers do it? “Because you can’t show them otherwise,” Gabriella explains. Hell, despite countries such as Australia and the UK banning tail docking, the American Boxer Club actually thinks that dog owners who don’t mutilate their pets’ tails should be “severely penalized.”
Slowly domesticating wolves into good old Fido had been one of the best things that mankind has ever done, right up until we refused to stop fucking with the canine formula. Instead, we started breeding pooches to more and more precise specifications (“the ears must be 1-inch smaller,” “the face must be 20 percent droopier”), and only then did we finally stop and say: “There! We’re done! This is how all dogs should look like from now on!”
That’s, more or less, the origin of purebred dogs, a noble idea that has gone horribly wrong in recent years, at least according to Gabriella Kuhn, who breeds Cavalier King Charles Spaniels and who told us that …
#5. The Actual Breeding Can Be A Weird, Horrifying Experience
At the most basic level, breeding is just pairing a bitch with a sire — you would think you’d just have to let nature take its course after that. But, there’s a lot more that goes into the process with purebred dogs, such as making sure the girl does not rip the guy’s dick off. “One large kennel I know about had a person whose job was all about the dogs breeding,” Ms. Kuhn told us. “He would watch the dogs have sex, [making] sure the dogs don’t get out of a tie.” A tie, by the horrifying way, is when, after sex, the male dog’s swollen member gets stuck in the lady dog. You read that right.
It can get equally awkward with animals that refuse to have sex, though. “There was a spaniel about 10 years ago that was one of the best around and that made it to some prestigious national competitions,” M. Kuhn explains. “He also had a rare color pattern, so the breeder got a lot of calls for breeding matches. But then, they found out something the first mating out — he was gay.” No matter what they did to entice him [the details of which are probably best left to the imagination], he would only stick by a few of the other males in the kennel and, despite his excellent background and genes (and the owner not being a supporter of artificial insemination), never bred. “I should clarify: never bred with a female.”
#4. Inbreeding Is Surprisingly Common Among Purebred Dogs
Responsible breeders look at the lineage of each dog and, especially in the cases of rarer breeds, will make sure that there isn’t a close relation between the bitch and sire. But, some unscrupulous breeders want a certain color or look, and the only way to get it is some good old-fashioned doggy incest. According to Gabriella: “Some colors are so rare that breeding with one dog may only have one or two pups out of the litter having that color. By breeding with a relative with the same genes, the odds of that rare color are increased.” Consult this Game Of Thrones scene for further reference.
Now, it’s worth mentioning that the American Kennel Club (AKC) is firmly against inbreeding of the mother-son or father-daughter variety, but they are fine with, say, grandparents and grandchildren boning, which they call line breeding and which we call “making a disturbing problem even more disturbing.” Sometimes, though, the incest happens by accident. As Gabriella told us: “Brother and sister dogs sometimes go at it. Ninety-nine percent of the time they are caught in time. But, every once in a while, it’s too late, and they get a litter. You can take every possible precaution, but if both are outside at the same time and you need to go in to deal with an emergency, it can happen,” and when it does happen, the breeders’ powers of damage control rival that of Olivia Pope.
Ms. Kuhn explains: “One breeder who came to me had a pretty large looking and obviously pregnant female come in for an impromptu ‘session’ with one of my males. I didn’t question it because we were friends, but it was just done so she could put on papers that the father was the male I had, not the brother of her female who got her pregnant … because many buyers don’t want an inbred dog.”
#3. There Are Some Cruel And Unusual Rules For Show-Quality Dogs
There are a ton of rules for how a purebred should look to enter a dog show, and, unfortunately, some of those rules boil down to, “Mother Nature screwed up, and it’s up to us to fix her mistakes.” For example, in nature, Boxers and English Cocker Spaniels have long tails, but their American standards specify that they should have short tails. This is achieved by “tail docking,” which is just a nice way of saying that some dog owners cut off parts of their puppies’ tails.
It’s not just a one-off swing of the knife, either. When a puppy is born, its nervous system isn’t operating at full strength yet, so you can just purchase tight rubber bands that you wrap around a certain point on the tail, which cuts off blood flow to it, causing the excess tissue to eventually fall off.
And then there’s ear cropping, in which ears are cropped (duh) so that they stand at a certain length and so that the dog can stand any chance at placing in a dog show. Ms. Kuhn explains, “One of my show friends decided to try her hand at Dobermans, but didn’t crop her dog’s ears. She didn’t even place and was even told by the judge she better do it or else the dog will get ear infections.”
But, that’s the thing — cropping, docking, and other things done to dogs are usually carried out in the name of health. However, for example, tail docking doesn’t improve the dog’s health at all. So, why do breeders and showers do it? “Because you can’t show them otherwise,” Gabriella explains. Hell, despite countries such as Australia and the UK banning tail docking, the American Boxer Club actually thinks that dog owners who don’t mutilate their pets’ tails should be “severely penalized.”
Read more: http://www.cracked.com/
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