Friday, 22 September 2017

The CUJO System Is A Guard Dog You Don’t Have To Feed

This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.

Do you remember the 1999 Disney Channel movie Smart House? It’s the story of a young nerdy boy who wins a “smart home,” and then programs said home to be a surrogate wife for his dad in an effort to keep him from getting remarried. Yeah, the premise was shaky at best, and the presumed visual of a grown man, umm … “having relations” with a vacuum socket isn’t pretty. But we bring this up because smart homes might soon become standard fare. And unless you want to get browbeaten by a deranged toaster oven, you’re going to need help. Luckily for you, the brilliant minds behind CUJO have the solution.

What’s a CUJO?

Besides a dog that would eat your face completely off, CUJO is a fearsome firewall device that aggressively safeguards against cyber attackers. But what makes CUJO more than just a piece of antivirus software is that it is designed for interconnected living. CUJO will monitor everything in your network from your Amazon Echo to your phones and tablets to your smart light bulbs and smart refrigerators. Think of it like the cyber-lock for your smart home and all of the smart devices within. And I just realized how much I love saying the word “smart.” Smart, smart, smart, smart, smart.

Great, but why would I need to monitor my light bulbs?

It used to be that hackers targeted PCs and mobile devices to harvest a person’s user information. But now, with the rise of home automation and smart devices, everything you can imagine collects data that can be used to hurt someone. The light bulbs, for example, can be hacked to find out when you’re likely to be away from home. Your Amazon Echo can be hacked to surveil your private conversations. And if the Penguin could hack the Batmobile in 1992, then you can best believe a modern-day hacker can take control of your twice-refurbished smart car while you’re behind the wheel. CUJO, however, would thwart the Penguin instantly — we’re assuming by biting his face completely off.

How does it work?

For being the ultimate protector of your everything, CUJO is actually pretty easy to use. You simply plug the device directly into your wireless router with a standard Ethernet cable. CUJO will then guide you through the setup process on its app, which is so simple that even people who still have TV antennas should be able to follow it. CUJO will then review and encrypt its data before sending statistics on that data (but not the data itself) to the cloud for further analysis. If a threat is detected, you’ll get a notification in the app letting you know what was blocked and why.

What’s the deal with the App, again?

In addition to keeping tabs on connected devices, the CUJO app allows full control over internet access for those devices. It’s a great way to set up parental controls for kids during homework time, or to curb your own PlayStation habit when it starts getting in the way of remembering to eat. Should you want to lift an automated block, CUJO offers a manual override that keeps you in control 24/7. Plus, look how pretty it looks.

All right, how much?

Much like other ever-vigilant security service, such as OnStar or the Terminator, CUJO is always updating to adapt to the latest threats. For this reason, CUJO is subscription-based. Regular pricing includes $99 for the device and a flexible service plan that ranges from $9 a month to a onetime $150 charge for a lifetime subscription. On any other day, you’re likely to pay $250 total for the optimal CUJO experience, but purchase CUJO from the Cracked shop, and you’ll get it for the special price of $224.99.

Anything else?

Uh, that’s pretty much it. Maybe don’t try to have relations with your smart home. It’s gross and you’ll end up as the basis for a Disney Channel Movie. Plus, Cujo has special senses for that sort of thing, and will burst out of a closet and eat your face completely off.

You can purchase a lifetime subscription to CUJO for $224.99 here.

For more ways to keep your safe space safe, check out the VPN Unlimited: Lifetime Subscription and the Sinji Panoramic Smart WiFi Camera.

Or go totally white hat with How To Hack For The Good Guys With The Cracked Store. We believe in you.


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Wednesday, 20 September 2017

Video of cop taking money out of hot dog vendor’s wallet sparks outrage

An incident between a University of California Berkeley police officer and a local hot dog vendor has quickly gone viral after video shows the officer writing a ticket and sifting through the vendor’s wallet to take his money.

The video was posted by a man named Martin Flores on Facebook on Saturday evening as he was trying to buy a hot dog from the man he identified as Juan.

According to Berkeleyside, Flores began filming after Officer Sean Aranas started citing Juan for vending without a license. His Facebook video had been viewed more than 11.5 million times before the post apparently was deleted.

In the video, Flores continuously says, “That’s not right,” and Aranas responds at first by saying, “That’s how it works.” A few seconds later, Aranas says, “We’ll take it to the judge, and the judge can decide whether it’s right” and “This is law and order in action.”

Observers began to heckle Flores, who told the crowd, “I’m working for you.”

UC Berkeley police told KTVU that it was targeting unregulated street vendors who don’t have a permit to sell food. Police also told the TV station that the vendor’s money was booked as evidence.

“We are aware of the incident,” UC Berkeley spokesman Dan Mogulof told Berkeleyside on Sunday evening. “The officer was tasked with enforcing violations related to vending without a permit on campus. UCPD is looking into the matter.”

A UC Berkeley Police spokesperson on Monday morning told the Daily Dot that they are also “aware of the incident” and said the police department would have more to say later in the day, which Mogulof confirmed to the Daily Dot.

According to online records, the vendor was cited for violating the Berkeley Municipal Code for vending without a license at 5:32pm PT just outside California Memorial Stadium during a Cal-Weber State football game. Juan was the only person cited for that alleged violation on Saturday.

In response, Flores started a GoFundMe account for Juan, and at the time of this writing, 2,378 donors have raised more than $34,000.

“The funds raised will be utilized to cover legal and personal loses,” Flores wrote on the page. “In addition, funds in excess are to cover other vendors who have been robbed of their hard-earned living through citations and removal of their carts … We will ensure that Juan has his personal, legal and professional matters addressed. Juan is a symbol of the injustice that takes place to street vendors.”

Another online petition was created to force the police department to remove Aranas from his job, accusing him of “continuously target minorities in the community.” As of this writing, nearly 13,000 had signed it.

“The only beautiful thing here is there is a lot of community support,” Flores told the Daily Californian. “Juan will … benefit from those funds … whether it’s getting a car, getting a permit, whatever is the applicable thing to address the issue.”

Update 9:15am CT, Sept. 12: Scott Biddy, vice chancellor of Berkeley, released a statement saying that the school cares about the well-being of those from “marginalized communities of color,” it is reviewing the incident, and he has instructed the University of California Police Department to open a complaint investigation. He then provided context for the situation:

“We have instructed our officers to monitor illegal vending outside our event venues. This action has been motivated at least in part by issues of public health, the interests of local small businesses, and even human trafficking. In addition, while I cannot comment on the specifics of this particular case, our practice is to issue warnings before giving a citation. In a case such as this, it is typical to collect any suspected illegal funds and enter them into evidence.”

In a Q&A portion of the statement, the school said that $60 was taken from the vendor by the officer, which was “seized as evidence of the suspected proceeds of the violation and booked into evidence.”

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Monday, 18 September 2017

Millions of Pounds of Hot Dogs Recalled Over Contamination Fears

Hot dog maker Sabrett has announced the recall of more than seven million pounds of hot dog products after consumers reported finding bones in the food. The recall was initiated after customers reported small pieces of bone and cartilage being found in these products, the company said on its website. At that time, staff immediately investigated and identified an issue that could have allowed this to occur, and an equipment installation issue was quickly addressed, the statement said. A total of 7,196,084 pounds of food manufactured from March 17 through July 4 and distributed nationwide is subject to the recall. The USDAs Food Safety Inspection Service issued its own statement, noting that there had been one reported minor oral injury from the contaminated food.

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Thursday, 14 September 2017

Cop Shoots Two Emotional Support Dogs Claiming They ‘Charged’ Him But Video Says Otherwise!

A police officer shot two emotional support dogs on Saturday, claiming that the animals charged at him — but video shared by the dogs’ owner indicates otherwise!

Ciroc (pictured above) and Rocko were in the gated backyard of their Minneapolis home when two cops came to the residence in response to a false burglary call.

Photo: Pregnant Dog Is GLOWING In This Maternity Shoot!

One officer hopped the fence to the yard and, according to the police report, was charged at by “two large size pitbulls.” Michael Mays, one of the responding officers, wrote in an initial report:

“While staging at the rear, two large size pitbulls charged at officer. Officer dispatched the two dogs, causing them to run back into the residence.”

But video uploaded by owner Jennifer LeMay seems to contradict the officer’s account.

The now-deleted Facebook video reportedly shows Ciroc calmly taking several steps in the direction of the officer — and even wagging his tail — before the officer appears to shoot the dog, causing him to stumble before scrambling away.

The second dog, Rocko, then briefly comes into view, and the officer is seen firing at the dog before the animal scurries off, apparently limping. Speaking to the Minneapolis-Star Tribune, LeMay said:

“Video surveillance doesn’t lie. [The first dog] wasn’t even moving, lunging toward him or anything My dogs were doing their job on my property.”

LeMay and her family were off on a camping trip while a friend was looking after the dogs. LeMay’s two daughters came home early and accidentally set off the security alarm, causing the police to respond.

Related: Lena Dunham Accused Of Fabricating Former Dog’s History Of Abuse

Police said they are investigating the incident and plan to review the video. Police Chief Jene Harteau said in a statement:

“I’ve watched the video, and as someone whose family has included dogs most of my life, I can say that it was difficult to watch. This was an outcome that no one wanted.”

A GoFundMe page has been created to cover medical bills for the injured Staffordshire terriers. Ciroc was shot in the jaw — and awaiting surgery that could run up to $7,000 — while Rocko has wounds to one side, face and shoulder.

Our hearts go out to these wounded pooches and hope they have a speedy recovery!

[Image via GoFundMe.]

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Friday, 8 September 2017

Inside The Secret Epidemic Of Cops Shooting Dogs

In the U.S., police shoot at dogs more often than they shoot at anything else. On today’s episode of Cracked Gets Personal, hosts Robert Evans and Brandon Johnson try to find out why. You’ll hear from dog owners who lost their beloved pets, as well as a police officer who was mauled by a dog while we try to unravel just why so many cops are shooting dogs.

Light bulbs stuck in butts! Heroin-induced erectile dysfunction! War vets taking Molly to quell their PTSD! It’s never too late to catch up on the first few episodes of Cracked Gets Personal.

Click here to subscribe to Cracked Gets Personal on Apple Podcasts or search for it your podcast app of choice.

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Tuesday, 5 September 2017

This Little Boy Rescued A Three-Legged Dog. The Bond Between Them Is Remarkable

When we hear stories about rescue animals, we often think about them just being about the animal that’s no longer in a shelter. Sometimes, however, the stories involve more than one rescue. Sometimes the animal helps the person who adopts it just as much as its new owner. 

Take the story of Owen and Haatchi. Owen, a young boy with a rare medical condition he was self-conscious about in public, needed a friend. Haatchi, a dog whose abusive early years left him missing a leg and his tail, needed someone to love. Together these two souls have built a bond of friendship that has helped them both overcome some of the darkest elements of their lives. Enjoy. 

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